Free yourself of the fear of losing her Free yourself of the thought of having Or not having her That’s not for you to control or decide Only God has that Power The only power you have is the power of love All you can do is to love her Love is life and Love is light If you have love in your heart for her Then just love her And if you have no way of directly giving Or showing that love to her Then just let the love flow through you And flow out of you And flow out into the universe… Your love will find its way to her In the workings of the universe One way or another. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Undulating Plains and Poems from the inner river
Intuitions
THE MOST VULNERABLE THING
The most vulnerable thing in this world is to open up to a person, to show the person your secrets and your true condition. To share with the person your dreams, your hopes, your fears, your phobia, your trauma, your beliefs, your feelings, your propensities, your weaknesses, your childlikeness, your unprotected true nature.
When you have thus exposed yourself to a person, vulnerable to the core, and the person – after taking a good look at you – rejects or betrays you, and directly or indirectly communicates to you that they find you to be unworthy of them, the damage that this experience can cause to a human soul is almost beyond the purview of what words can accurately describe. It is exceedingly humiliating, dehumanising, and robs you of your sense of self-worth.
It also gives reason to ask yourself, if you too have ever done the same to another human being, maybe even without realising it, and maybe you have even forgotten it. If you have, then it pays to reflect on how to reach those people once more and offer them correction, retribution, a cure, or just true heartfelt apology and remorse for having broken their soul.
Most of all, though, it gives us an opportunity to reflect on the question of whether a human being’s sense of self-worth should at all be wholly or partly dependent on how they are seen or held or treated by another human being, probably one whom they love, or sometimes even a stranger. Or whether a human being’s sense of worth should be rooted only and solely in their own inner strength and inner dignity and Inner fidelity to their own core values. Or if it is a mixture of both extremes.
One thing is for sure, though, and that is that no matter how we see it, the reality is that even the strongest people are affected by how they are seen and treating by one person or the other, consciously or unconsciously, either a stranger or more commonly someone that they deeply love. No matter how we see it, we owe the duty to ourselves as human beings to be thoughtful, careful, honest – honest to ourselves and also honest to others – in order not to disappoint a valid expectation of reflected worthiness.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
REBIRTH OF HAPPINESS
I found Happiness in my heart. It came out of the Blues, I don’t know where from, just at that moment and in that phase when I was experiencing the deepest betrayal and the most excruciating pain. I embraced the pain and decided to let it carry out its mission within me. I only made one promise to myself, I would not let it kill me.
One morning, when I was at my lowest, I called out to Happiness and begged it to come to me, swore to myself that I would find it. I knew it heard me, I felt it in the message it sent to me, like a vibration that touched my heart and awakened Hope. But the pain stayed, it did not go away immediately. Instead, it intensified and seemed to make one last grand grab at my Soul and my inner life, to kill me inwardly at last and for good.
I struggled, stumbled, but kept on walking, full of pain. And then, just as suddenly as this sentence follows on the last one, out of the Blues, in the middle of work and mundane daily chores, just when I was not looking or paying attention… Happiness suddenly showed up in my heart, like a Hero, like Sunrise, like a gift from God, like a warrior of Light.
Happiness is a strange thing, it lifts you high on wings of lightness, fills your heart with buoyancy, and makes you… Happy.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
TRUTH IS THE REFEREE OF TRUST
Truth is the referee of trust. Truth and truthfulness, not perfection. Nobody is perfect and everybody does wrong sometimes or makes mistakes. Trust does not hinge on perfection and it cannot do so. Trust hinges on truth and truthfulness. You trust people, not because they are perfect, but because they are honest to you.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
DON’T RUN
I don’t run from the pain. I hold it inside until it hurts no more. That’s how I deal with it. Time is irrelevant, because time stands still. Only experiencing, internalisation, transformation and growth are important. And once those have taken place, the aching melts, the pain stops hurting, drops off and goes away – but not before giving me all its energy and all its wisdom; and awakening in me the capacity to take in bigger worlds tomorrow, and the Newness to love again another day. But above all, it reboots my spirit and re-ignites in me the Childlikeness to one day trust again with a healed heart. But with more circumspection and attention to detail next time.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
WE EXPECT MORE FROM SEX
We expect more from sex than it can give. And when it fails to give it, we take more and more and more of it, demanding with even more intensity and urgency from it that which it is unable to give. Unable to give because, no matter how deep and intimate it is, in the end it’s still just sex. It can never fulfil your soul. And the real you, the human spirit, is in the soul. There is a depth of unhappiness that it cannot fill, a height of joy it cannot reach. There is a fineness and exactness of intimate connection which sex can only crudely attempt to approximate without being able to fill the gaps.
The gaps that sincerity can fill; the gaps that honesty can bridge; the gaps that integrity can close; the gaps that trust can repair; the gaps that homogeneity can make disappear; the gaps that reliability can heal; the gaps that a shared Ideal and a common goal can plug; the gaps that working together can eliminate; the gaps that intimate truthful conversations can undo; the gaps that a harmonisation of thinking and intuiting can cure. All the gaps that the best sex in the world cannot fill. No matter how often and creatively we try to find the fulfilment therein.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
NOBODY IS SOMEBODY
If I wasn’t a writer and a musician, I would not have a social media presence. I would be silent, invisible to the world, and nobody would know my thoughts or my feelings, nobody would know the peace deep within my heart, and the storms and wars that interrupt it every once in a while and then slide back again into the Peace. Only the people close to me and the people I meet at work would even know that I exist. And I would be so happy. Nobody would hear the silence in my heart. Because the best kind of somebody is nobody.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
YOUR SELF-WORTH: AN ETERNAL AND PERPETUAL SUNRISE WITHIN YOU
Your self-worth does not depend on another person’s acceptance of you or love for you. It is your own personal fundamental imprint upon Creation, your contribution to the flowering of the universe, your service to God. It is the authenticity with which you do everything you do; it is the truthfulness you manifest in all your dealings; it is the joy you bear within you inspite of all the reversals and disappointments you may experience; it is your loyalty to goodness above all things; it is your claiming of your right to dare and to fail without being mocked; and it is your claiming of your right to succeed.
It is your humility when you boldly lead and your dignity when you faithfully follow; it is your free will; it is your ability to love yourself and to love others; it is your honesty to yourself when you have erred; it is self-correction and self-motivation; it is your sense of principles; it is the love you give back to those who love you; but it is also your freedom from the chains of those who love you; and yet it is also your duty of truthfulness and dignity to those with whom you share a bond of trust; it is your obligation to your promises and the way you stand up to them; it is the firmness with which you resist evil; it is the severity with which you tell yourself the truth after you have yielded to wrongness.
It is your sense of humanness, your consciousness of being someone; it is your fighting spirit, your refusal to die spiritually or emotionally; it is the eternal and perpetual Sunrise which you carry within you; it does not require another person to be sad in order for you to be happy; it does not require others to be a nobody in order for you to be a somebody; it is your sensing and seeking and going of your own path, without unjustly intruding on others’ paths and free will; it is all this and more. But it definitely does not depend on the love or acceptance you receive from anybody else. It stands by itself, an integral part of you. It is You.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
PARTS OF STORIES
The person you think is in your story is also in someone else’s story. Never think a person is exclusively yours, even if they tell you so. It only depends on the form and context, on the depth and scope, and on the intensity and exact nature, of their role in your story and their roles in other people’s stories as well. Just like you are in many people’s stories, so is even the person closest to you maybe even closer still to someone else in that other person’s story. People are interconnected in ways nobody can fathom.
And you can only see your story, but lack complete access into the world of the other person’s story. You only know the character a person plays in your story, but you would be surprised if you ever saw the character that same person plays in another person’s story. Never will you know all the parts of a story, only some – if you are lucky, maybe the relevant ones. Never will you know all the people in a person’s story. And never ever will you know all the stories in which a person features – not even the person closest and dearest to you. Just like only God knows all the stories that you too are a part of.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
DISILLUSIONMENT AND DISENCHANTMENT
Sometimes when you’re inner eyes open and you gradually begin to see and recognise a person for who and what they really are, you experience such a shocking, deep and grave Disappointment, that you almost wish you could close your inner eyes again, in order to retain the former beautiful picture of this person that you used to have. But it is all in vain. Your heart can never ever forget again what it has seen and what it now knows and sees. Truth is the most beautiful, but also the ugliest, thing you will ever encounter. But, the good thing is, it will set you free.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
Che Chidi Chukwumerije 