Of Dark Feelings

LOVERS AND OR FRIENDS

~ Che ~ Leave a comment

My friends are more important to me than my lovers. Lovers betray you, at some level, but friends stay loyal. True friends. The best lovers are also friends. The best friends don’t have to be lovers, don’t need to be lovers, to mean the world to you. Friendship beats everything else. There are some people you can be lovers with, but not friends. The moment the love affair ends, the friendship collapses, because it was inwardly empty. It was only sex, carnal comfort and perhaps some degree of emotional connection, but without reciprocal Depth. No sex is worth the best friendship. Nothing beats a person you share your truth with and the truth is safe with them, and they share their truth with you and it is safe with you. Share is the operational word. Safe is the magic word. It is safeness and trust. Respect, honesty and genuineness.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

HEALED BROKEN

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It’s not as easy as you think
Some bones heal in their broken position
Yes, they don’t hurt anymore
But they will never again make the same old motion
And you will never again feel the former emotion.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

DENIED

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If you died
Right now
Ask yourself
What have you lied
To yourself
About.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

PARALLEL UNIVERSES

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When a person just doesn’t know how to tell you the truth, they simply stick to the lie. From start to finish. Even if they want to tell you the truth, they don’t know how to, they don’t know where to start because the truth runs on a completely different storyline and separate lifestyle, opposite reality and parallel universe. It will hurt you deeply and completely overturn your view of life and of them. Or so the person thinks. But if only they would try you, to see a new person emerge and a new powerful authentic relationship form.

Starting with a lie is always a slippery slope, a rollercoaster ride. It is nervousness and heart palpitations from start to finish. It can be exciting and exhilarating, until it becomes human and personal. Then it becomes a chore, a nightmare, a heavy load, and a puzzling sphinx, a difficult riddle to solve. Tell the truth and shatter the other person’s reality? Or maintain the lie and allow it to eat you inside and gnaw at the other person’s gut instincts, and prevent both of you from ever forming a true bond? And yet, only the truth liberates.

There will be a humanity one day of honest human spirits who live, share and relate in the light of truth always and in all things. Deeply and simply. Inside and out. Individually and as a society. The most fundamental truth we owe ourselves as human beings is the truth of how we really are as a person. This is the basis of all relationships and of society and of a possibility to one day have a reflection of Paradise on Earth. A home away from Home.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

QUIETLY

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
Is there any hope for me?
Good Friday not so good.
A deep slumber of mystery,
A soul troubled to darkly brood,
A distracted mind of matter,
But knock knock, knock on wood,
Who’s there to lovingly shatter
My illusions? For truth is food.
Wake me up before you go -
Resurrection will upon crucifixion intrude:
Resist injustice, rediscover my glow,
Because, inside, I’m in a sunny mood.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

LOVE HARDER, LOVE INTENSELY

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When we have been hurt once, we make the mistake of shielding our hearts from loving again or loving too deeply the next time. This is very wrong. This is allowing the darkness to win against the light. The right thing to do is the opposite. Love hard, hurt hard, stand up, heal, fall hard again and love even harder. Next time, love HARDER. The only thing that can heal a broken heart is complete re-immersion into the intensity of love. Only intense love can dispel the spectre of the fear of love. Because it touches the core of the spirit and makes it know it is alive.

The nature of intense love is that, if your heart gets broken, it takes a long time to fall out of it and to heal, once you have given your heart and your trust and your openness to someone. Depth does not permit superficiality. Intensity does not permit an easy withdrawal or a quick transition. If you love hard, moving on will be very hard. But once you’re gone, looking back or coming back will also be very hard, because you are also going to fall hard into the next one. True love is intense, because only intensity is satisfying and fulfilling. Intensity is an addictive drug.

And nothing is more intense than the intimacy of shared truthfulness. Not even sex is an intimate as the sharing of truth and trust. A person who cannot share their truth with you, or who you cannot share your truth with, is inwardly distant from you. You will never have an intense intimate relationship with this person. The bond with this person will not be deep and satisfying. The pains will not be deep, neither will the joys. Moving on for or from such a person will be quick and easy. But your emptiness will not be filled.

If you want your emptiness to be filled, you have to have the courage to open your heart and fall fully, give yourself fully, share deeply and honestly, and love hard. Love HARDER. It comes with the risk and certainty of pain, but also of the deepest joy and satisfaction possible. And, above all, it is one of the only few things on earth that can really change a human spirit and help it to mature and develop. Because it touches your core and makes you even more alive.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

BROKEN RHYME

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
When trust breaks
The universe shakes

The heart aches
And aches and aches
And aches…

Because the poem has lost what it takes
To ever rhyme again.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

MARCH TOWARDS APRIL

~ Che ~ Leave a comment

So many things ending in my life this month, as March ends. And so many things starting. Looking forward to April. Is my heart big enough to contain and bear it all? Yes, my heart is always big enough. And when it isn’t, it simply grows some more, grows again.

Aries, as ever, you end the old and bring the new. For me, to me, in me.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

AFTERMATH

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It took me a while to acknowledge and accept the betrayal. And the permanent change. It is what it is. But now that I have, I have. Now, we can successfully pretend, together and apart, that it never happened; and that we were never that close. Now the bond is broken. The intimate bond of trust.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

INTERACTIONS AND INTERRELATIONSHIPS  

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Envy and Jealousy and Possessiveness. Distrust and Disloyalty and the breaking of Promises. Not knowing one’s boundaries. Untoward and unjustified claims upon the other. Intrusiveness. Space and vicinity. Balance. Knowing the line between giving and taking, between being there and crossing boundaries, between being close enough and being too close for comfort. Knowing which demands and expectations are legitimate and must be met, and which ones are too intrusive. Respect. Mutual respect. Consideration for the other’s nature. Making the effort to know the other better. Carefulness. Intimacy. Understanding the different layers and forms of intimacy, and knowing which ones to share with which people, which ones apply within which forms of friendship, which ones are exclusive and which ones are inclusive. You can connect with many people deeply, and each connection is different. But there is a certain connection that can only be shared with one, or none, at every point in time. Truthfulness and honesty and trust and bravery. Trust is a form of bravery. Reciprocity in our relationships with one another.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains