Of challenges

REBIRTH OF HAPPINESS

~ Che ~ Leave a comment

I found Happiness in my heart. It came out of the Blues, I don’t know where from, just at that moment and in that phase when I was experiencing the deepest betrayal and the most excruciating pain. I embraced the pain and decided to let it carry out its mission within me. I only made one promise to myself, I would not let it kill me.

One morning, when I was at my lowest, I called out to Happiness and begged it to come to me, swore to myself that I would find it. I knew it heard me, I felt it in the message it sent to me, like a vibration that touched my heart and awakened Hope. But the pain stayed, it did not go away immediately. Instead, it intensified and seemed to make one last grand grab at my Soul and my inner life, to kill me inwardly at last and for good.

I struggled, stumbled, but kept on walking, full of pain. And then, just as suddenly as this sentence follows on the last one, out of the Blues, in the middle of work and mundane daily chores, just when I was not looking or paying attention… Happiness suddenly showed up in my heart, like a Hero, like Sunrise, like a gift from God, like a warrior of Light.

Happiness is a strange thing, it lifts you high on wings of lightness, fills your heart with buoyancy, and makes you… Happy.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

DIE HARD

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
All the things I thought would kill me,
Didn’t kill me.
But they sure did hurt…
They hurt like hell for a long time -
But they didn’t kill me.
They made me wiser, stronger and sadder;
But in the end I’m still me.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

DON’T RUN

~ Che ~ Leave a comment

I don’t run from the pain. I hold it inside until it hurts no more. That’s how I deal with it. Time is irrelevant, because time stands still. Only experiencing, internalisation, transformation and growth are important. And once those have taken place, the aching melts, the pain stops hurting, drops off and goes away – but not before giving me all its energy and all its wisdom; and awakening in me the capacity to take in bigger worlds tomorrow, and the Newness to love again another day. But above all, it reboots my spirit and re-ignites in me the Childlikeness to one day trust again with a healed heart. But with more circumspection and attention to detail next time.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

WE EXPECT MORE FROM SEX

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We expect more from sex than it can give. And when it fails to give it, we take more and more and more of it, demanding with even more intensity and urgency from it that which it is unable to give. Unable to give because, no matter how deep and intimate it is, in the end it’s still just sex. It can never fulfil your soul. And the real you, the human spirit, is in the soul. There is a depth of unhappiness that it cannot fill, a height of joy it cannot reach. There is a fineness and exactness of intimate connection which sex can only crudely attempt to approximate without being able to fill the gaps.

The gaps that sincerity can fill; the gaps that honesty can bridge; the gaps that integrity can close; the gaps that trust can repair; the gaps that homogeneity can make disappear; the gaps that reliability can heal; the gaps that a shared Ideal and a common goal can plug; the gaps that working together can eliminate; the gaps that intimate truthful conversations can undo; the gaps that a harmonisation of thinking and intuiting can cure. All the gaps that the best sex in the world cannot fill. No matter how often and creatively we try to find the fulfilment therein.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

A PART OF YOU

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
Sometimes a part of you
Can live outside of you
And run away from you
And refuse to come back to you
And will ignore you
And will not recognise you
And will reject you
And will hurt you
And will avoid you

Because the reason why
It is living outside of you
Is in order to find itself
And fully become itself
Through struggle, experiencing and reflection
Uninfluenced by you
In order to one day be able
To complement you
And be complemented by you.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

PEOPLE NEVER COME BACK

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
People never come back
They move on to the new you
Or to their new perception of you
With or without you
And you move on to the new them
Or to your new perception of them
With or without them
But the old will never come back.

Tomorrow will come.
Those who try to cling on to the past
Lose their way and orientation very fast
Because Time never goes back.
Those who meet again do so in the future
As different people with a different Nature
Because only going forward takes you back
Home.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

SELF-RESTRAINT

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
Just because it’s available
Doesn’t mean you should take it;
Just because it’s achievable
Doesn’t mean you should make it;
Just because it’s vulnerable
Doesn’t mean you should break it;
Just because it’s uncomfortable
Doesn’t mean you should fake it;
Just because it’s unshakeable
Doesn’t mean you should shake it;
Just because it’s accessible
Doesn’t mean you should wake it;
Just because it’s expendable
Doesn’t mean you should stake it;
Just because it’s edible
Doesn’t mean you should bake it.

Some things you just leave as they are.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

PARTS OF STORIES

~ Che ~ Leave a comment

The person you think is in your story is also in someone else’s story. Never think a person is exclusively yours, even if they tell you so. It only depends on the form and context, on the depth and scope, and on the intensity and exact nature, of their role in your story and their roles in other people’s stories as well. Just like you are in many people’s stories, so is even the person closest to you maybe even closer still to someone else in that other person’s story. People are interconnected in ways nobody can fathom.

And you can only see your story, but lack complete access into the world of the other person’s story. You only know the character a person plays in your story, but you would be surprised if you ever saw the character that same person plays in another person’s story. Never will you know all the parts of a story, only some – if you are lucky, maybe the relevant ones. Never will you know all the people in a person’s story. And never ever will you know all the stories in which a person features – not even the person closest and dearest to you. Just like only God knows all the stories that you too are a part of.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

WOUNDED TERRAIN

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
I‘m riding on the train
And riding through my pain
When I’m done if I’m still sane
I won’t come this way again.

The experience is a strain
On my heart and on my brain
Riding through wounded terrain
Where my trust was slain.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

LOVE IS A PRISON

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
My only Crime was loving you
And loving you too much too
But If this is a crime
I’ve done my time
Release me
Ease me
Out
Tell me what it’s all about
An outer whisper, an inner shout
Free me from insecurity and doubt.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river