Without the pain My life would have been so empty, My spirit’s real gain Are the lessons and they are plenty. It is really possible To lose a person and become whole, It is really possible To lose the world and gain your soul. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
Of challenges
FINDING VALUE
Separate yourself from things In order to know the value of things Go deep into things In order to learn the true value in things Separate yourself from people In order to know the value of people Come close to, go deep into, people In order to see the true value in people Metamorphose away from yourself In order to know the value of yourself Develop again into your true self In order to feel the value in being yourself. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
UNSATISFACTORY
When sex becomes meaningless And repetition brings no satisfaction And enjoyment morphs into stress And indulgence brings overstimulation And more is less, more or less, The spirit slowly begins to dread temptation, Hard to resist, hard to satisfy The art of the lie and of the Lie, The bitter cup shall pass none by. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
SNIPPETS
Hard words are sometimes the kindest Foraging eyes are sometimes the blindest Life’s help is sometimes to put you to the test It pushes you to move when you long to rest I’ve never wanted something so badly before I’ve never eaten to my fill and still wanted some more I’ve never said goodbye and continued to feel so sore I’ve never been so trapped before in a folklore So many new things starting at the same time Be patient when you’re looking for the right rhyme Little doses of salt and pepper, curry and thyme Life is sometimes a little sugar, sometimes a little lime I love like Haily’s comet, ever and again I come again Laughter fills my heart again and conquers the pain I can’t explain it, I am a lake and I am the rain And so are you, and every end is just another refrain. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
THE MOST VULNERABLE THING
The most vulnerable thing in this world is to open up to a person, to show the person your secrets and your true condition. To share with the person your dreams, your hopes, your fears, your phobia, your trauma, your beliefs, your feelings, your propensities, your weaknesses, your childlikeness, your unprotected true nature.
When you have thus exposed yourself to a person, vulnerable to the core, and the person – after taking a good look at you – rejects or betrays you, and directly or indirectly communicates to you that they find you to be unworthy of them, the damage that this experience can cause to a human soul is almost beyond the purview of what words can accurately describe. It is exceedingly humiliating, dehumanising, and robs you of your sense of self-worth.
It also gives reason to ask yourself, if you too have ever done the same to another human being, maybe even without realising it, and maybe you have even forgotten it. If you have, then it pays to reflect on how to reach those people once more and offer them correction, retribution, a cure, or just true heartfelt apology and remorse for having broken their soul.
Most of all, though, it gives us an opportunity to reflect on the question of whether a human being’s sense of self-worth should at all be wholly or partly dependent on how they are seen or held or treated by another human being, probably one whom they love, or sometimes even a stranger. Or whether a human being’s sense of worth should be rooted only and solely in their own inner strength and inner dignity and Inner fidelity to their own core values. Or if it is a mixture of both extremes.
One thing is for sure, though, and that is that no matter how we see it, the reality is that even the strongest people are affected by how they are seen and treating by one person or the other, consciously or unconsciously, either a stranger or more commonly someone that they deeply love. No matter how we see it, we owe the duty to ourselves as human beings to be thoughtful, careful, honest – honest to ourselves and also honest to others – in order not to disappoint a valid expectation of reflected worthiness.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
REBIRTH OF HAPPINESS
I found Happiness in my heart. It came out of the Blues, I don’t know where from, just at that moment and in that phase when I was experiencing the deepest betrayal and the most excruciating pain. I embraced the pain and decided to let it carry out its mission within me. I only made one promise to myself, I would not let it kill me.
One morning, when I was at my lowest, I called out to Happiness and begged it to come to me, swore to myself that I would find it. I knew it heard me, I felt it in the message it sent to me, like a vibration that touched my heart and awakened Hope. But the pain stayed, it did not go away immediately. Instead, it intensified and seemed to make one last grand grab at my Soul and my inner life, to kill me inwardly at last and for good.
I struggled, stumbled, but kept on walking, full of pain. And then, just as suddenly as this sentence follows on the last one, out of the Blues, in the middle of work and mundane daily chores, just when I was not looking or paying attention… Happiness suddenly showed up in my heart, like a Hero, like Sunrise, like a gift from God, like a warrior of Light.
Happiness is a strange thing, it lifts you high on wings of lightness, fills your heart with buoyancy, and makes you… Happy.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
DIE HARD
All the things I thought would kill me, Didn’t kill me. But they sure did hurt… They hurt like hell for a long time - But they didn’t kill me. They made me wiser, stronger and sadder; But in the end I’m still me. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
DON’T RUN
I don’t run from the pain. I hold it inside until it hurts no more. That’s how I deal with it. Time is irrelevant, because time stands still. Only experiencing, internalisation, transformation and growth are important. And once those have taken place, the aching melts, the pain stops hurting, drops off and goes away – but not before giving me all its energy and all its wisdom; and awakening in me the capacity to take in bigger worlds tomorrow, and the Newness to love again another day. But above all, it reboots my spirit and re-ignites in me the Childlikeness to one day trust again with a healed heart. But with more circumspection and attention to detail next time.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
WE EXPECT MORE FROM SEX
We expect more from sex than it can give. And when it fails to give it, we take more and more and more of it, demanding with even more intensity and urgency from it that which it is unable to give. Unable to give because, no matter how deep and intimate it is, in the end it’s still just sex. It can never fulfil your soul. And the real you, the human spirit, is in the soul. There is a depth of unhappiness that it cannot fill, a height of joy it cannot reach. There is a fineness and exactness of intimate connection which sex can only crudely attempt to approximate without being able to fill the gaps.
The gaps that sincerity can fill; the gaps that honesty can bridge; the gaps that integrity can close; the gaps that trust can repair; the gaps that homogeneity can make disappear; the gaps that reliability can heal; the gaps that a shared Ideal and a common goal can plug; the gaps that working together can eliminate; the gaps that intimate truthful conversations can undo; the gaps that a harmonisation of thinking and intuiting can cure. All the gaps that the best sex in the world cannot fill. No matter how often and creatively we try to find the fulfilment therein.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
A PART OF YOU
Sometimes a part of you Can live outside of you And run away from you And refuse to come back to you And will ignore you And will not recognise you And will reject you And will hurt you And will avoid you Because the reason why It is living outside of you Is in order to find itself And fully become itself Through struggle, experiencing and reflection Uninfluenced by you In order to one day be able To complement you And be complemented by you. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
Che Chidi Chukwumerije 