Of Dark Feelings

NEVER STOP

~ Che ~ Leave a comment

Don’t be ashamed and don’t be afraid
To follow your heart and go for your love;
Rejection can shatter the plans best laid –
The important thing is that your heart did move
And you moved outwardly along with this inner motion,
For movement is the spirit’s most important need –
It will climb every mountain and cross every ocean
Until it has itself from all its shackles freed.
The soul will always love something or someone,
And this love will make it laugh and make it bleed
And make it outgrow itself and never be done,
Following the path Home wherever it may lead.
Some chapters end in joy, and some end in sorrow,
But neither of these can hold the spirit down forever –
An inner restlessness will grip it again tomorrow;
Until it gets back Home, it will never stop. Never.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

TREACHEROUS

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
There’s no understanding it
There’s no explaining it
Humans are treacherous
Just start accepting it.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

ASK NOT

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
All I asked for was the truth -
But that question alone
was enough
to disturb, to disrupt
and to destroy everything.

Ask, and you shall be given.
Ask not, and you shall be forgiven.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

FOCUS ON THE ESSENTIAL

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
It‘s okay to lose people as long as
You don’t lose yourself in the process
No matter how tempting.

It’s okay to gain people as long as
You also gain yourself in the process
Inspite of how tempting
it is
to push aside your spiritual development
in order to chase after someone
who has gone outside
or to adjust to and enjoy someone
who has come inside.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

WHY DO WE HURT THE MOST?

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
Why do we hurt the most
The people whom we love the most
And who love us the most?
Why do we push away the strongest
The people who pull us the deepest?
Why do we understand the least
The people who understand us the most?
Why do we lose
Those who have found us?

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

PAIN AND GAIN

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
Without the pain
My life would have been so empty,
My spirit’s real gain
Are the lessons and they are plenty.

It is really possible
To lose a person and become whole,
It is really possible
To lose the world and gain your soul.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

TO KILL A MAN

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
I‘ve died a thousand times
And each time I’ve come back to life again

If I die one more time
Will I be able to survive this new pain?

Something must break a man one day -
Something he did say, or a game he did play,
Or a woman that one day crosses his way.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

UNSATISFACTORY

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
When sex becomes meaningless
And repetition brings no satisfaction
And enjoyment morphs into stress
And indulgence brings overstimulation
And more is less, more or less,
The spirit slowly begins to dread temptation,
Hard to resist, hard to satisfy
The art of the lie and of the Lie,
The bitter cup shall pass none by.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

THE MOST VULNERABLE THING

~ Che ~ Leave a comment

The most vulnerable thing in this world is to open up to a person, to show the person your secrets and your true condition. To share with the person your dreams, your hopes, your fears, your phobia, your trauma, your beliefs, your feelings, your propensities, your weaknesses, your childlikeness, your unprotected true nature.

When you have thus exposed yourself to a person, vulnerable to the core, and the person – after taking a good look at you – rejects or betrays you, and directly or indirectly communicates to you that they find you to be unworthy of them, the damage that this experience can cause to a human soul is almost beyond the purview of what words can accurately describe. It is exceedingly humiliating, dehumanising, and robs you of your sense of self-worth.

It also gives reason to ask yourself, if you too have ever done the same to another human being, maybe even without realising it, and maybe you have even forgotten it. If you have, then it pays to reflect on how to reach those people once more and offer them correction, retribution, a cure, or just true heartfelt apology and remorse for having broken their soul.

Most of all, though, it gives us an opportunity to reflect on the question of whether a human being’s sense of self-worth should at all be wholly or partly dependent on how they are seen or held or treated by another human being, probably one whom they love, or sometimes even a stranger. Or whether a human being’s sense of worth should be rooted only and solely in their own inner strength and inner dignity and Inner fidelity to their own core values. Or if it is a mixture of both extremes.

One thing is for sure, though, and that is that no matter how we see it, the reality is that even the strongest people are affected by how they are seen and treating by one person or the other, consciously or unconsciously, either a stranger or more commonly someone that they deeply love. No matter how we see it, we owe the duty to ourselves as human beings to be thoughtful, careful, honest – honest to ourselves and also honest to others – in order not to disappoint a valid expectation of reflected worthiness.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

REBIRTH OF HAPPINESS

~ Che ~ Leave a comment

I found Happiness in my heart. It came out of the Blues, I don’t know where from, just at that moment and in that phase when I was experiencing the deepest betrayal and the most excruciating pain. I embraced the pain and decided to let it carry out its mission within me. I only made one promise to myself, I would not let it kill me.

One morning, when I was at my lowest, I called out to Happiness and begged it to come to me, swore to myself that I would find it. I knew it heard me, I felt it in the message it sent to me, like a vibration that touched my heart and awakened Hope. But the pain stayed, it did not go away immediately. Instead, it intensified and seemed to make one last grand grab at my Soul and my inner life, to kill me inwardly at last and for good.

I struggled, stumbled, but kept on walking, full of pain. And then, just as suddenly as this sentence follows on the last one, out of the Blues, in the middle of work and mundane daily chores, just when I was not looking or paying attention… Happiness suddenly showed up in my heart, like a Hero, like Sunrise, like a gift from God, like a warrior of Light.

Happiness is a strange thing, it lifts you high on wings of lightness, fills your heart with buoyancy, and makes you… Happy.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains