Of Inner States

THE GAMES WE PLAY

~ Che ~ Leave a comment

These games that we play, and think it’s just fun, they can really damage people. And by the time we start to suspect the damage we have done and start to pull back, it’s already too late and the victims are left reeling and wounded for the rest of their lives or for a very long time afterwards. These games of hearts, of love and sex, and of adventures, of selfish desires and of fun.

Sometimes we think we’re just expressing ourselves, or just seeking the meaning of life, or just getting out of life everything that it has to offer, or just doing what “everybody else” does, or just living life to the full, or just making sure we don’t die one day with regrets in our hearts of the things we left undone, or simply assuaging our own personal propensities, or even getting back at someone, or maybe trying to experience for ourselves how something feels, or just having some harmless fun.

I used to think that the things I would one day regret the most are the things I left undone, the opportunities I missed because I did not try to get them. But now I realise that the pain and regret that comes from doing certain things is even worse, and is real, and stays with you. You can’t run away from them because it is real and something you actually did. And all the apologies in the world has not made them go away. The only consolation, if any, is that your heart has learned a deep lesson that should, hopefully, make you a better person for the rest of this life and also in your subsequent reincarnations on Earth. Hearts hurt for a very long time.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

ASSUMPTION IS THE FILTER OF CONSCIOUSNESS

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
Realising you’ve been deceived
Is very hard to believe
Because it looked so real
How it made you feel
But that is the first rule of deception
It must never look like deception
When you look at a wolf clothed as a sheep
You don’t see a wolf clothed as a sheep
You see a sheep. Everything around you
Could be a cover created to confound you.
Our wishes, insecurities, vanities, memories,
Propensities - they all block our senses.
Assumption is the filter of consciousness.
Worse, presumption. Everything is a dress,
And who or what is wearing each dress
You will learn by experience as you progress.
But as you become more knowledgeable
You ironically also become more gullible.
You are stunned, as you learn and grow,
To realise there’s still so much you don’t know.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

EVENING BLUES

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
Accept your loss
Only God is the boss
Many rivers to cross
To get to the real Us

What a quiet evening you are
Your inner voice carries far
Riding quietly in the back of the car
My listening heart is ajar.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

SMILE

~ Che ~ 2 Comments 
Did you know that
Smiling makes you happy
When you’re feeling crappy?
Did you know that?

I bet you’re smiling now.
And if you were feeling crappy,
Now you’re feeling a little happy -
I bet you’re smiling now.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

THE DAY THE LAUGHTER CAME AGAIN

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
The day the laughter came again
I stood in shock and stared at it in awe
Like a stranger from a distant terrain
For I had forgotten to a tragic flaw
How laughter sounds and makes you feel.
It felt so good it made me want to cry;
The power of laughter and joy is real -
A heart that laughs purely will never die.

The day the laughter came again
I was at the lowest ebb of my life,
My soul wracked every day by pain,
Torn by questions and unresolved strife,
I woke up that morning and prayed to God,
then set out to bravely meet the day
And as I, work-focused, did onward plod,
Laughter came to me again along my way.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

PRE-DAWN

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
The light is gone from my heart
And gone from my life
And cut out my most sensitive part
With a dark burning knife

But I don’t care, because underneath
The heavy mountain of pain
A greater flame bursts from its sheath
And lights up my heart again.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

WOMAN’S HEART

~ Che ~ Leave a comment

Women are usually emotionally far ahead of men. For brief moments, the men might overtake, but in the overall story, usually a woman’s heart knows more than a man’s heart, knows it earlier than the man’s heart, remembers more than the man’s heart does, and retains the memory for much much longer than a man’s heart ever could.

Without woman’s heart we would lose our memory of home and our understanding of homeliness. When a woman goes, the home goes. And when a woman comes, Home comes back. The heart of woman alone can dig a tunnel to hell or span Heimdall’s bridge to Heaven. And she does it quietly, right there beside you, where the half of them poison you and kill your spirit’s joy, and the other half of them heal you and make you deeply happy. With just a few words, and sometimes even without saying a word.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

SUDDEN JOLTS

~ Che ~ Leave a comment

I cry spontaneous tears
They come unbidden
Rolling back adult years
All of a sudden
The wounds, the tears
A shuddering bolt
And a painful spasm
Of old fears and new cares
That repeatedly scars
Anew my heart with a volt
Of shivering behind cold
Iron intangible bars
A body-wracking jolt
And then the next moment
I quietly laugh again
Grateful and content
To reap my fruits in pain
I don’t know when
The tears will come again
At 2 o’clock or at 10
In a meeting, at a game, or on a plane
Or taking a walk in the friend zone
Or sitting at home all alone.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

REAFFIRMING DIGNITY

~ Che ~ Leave a comment

When a woman leaves a man who loves her to follow a man of money, it is the most crushing pain a man can feel. But if he does not let it kill him, it will only liberate him in the end. Every once in a while you have a chance to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself “I am somebody”. Something will push you there. Something that seems aimed at robbing you of your dignity, your pride, your self-respect. Something that will try to tie your actual value as a human being to some material status or achievement or level of acceptance by someone or some people. Something that will make you feel small. And nothing does this deeper than love that chooses money over you. Then you have to stand in front of the mirror and look into the soul of that man staring back at you and recognise his true value. Remind yourself of the principles at the core of your foundations as a Human Being. Remind yourself of what connects you to God and to true life. And teach yourself again that your value is more than your monetary wealth or material standing. And don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise – not any man and not any woman. Because, In Your Dignity, You Are Somebody.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

DON’T GET LOST IN THE DARK

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
Don’t get lost in the dark
Wait for the mist to clear
The emotions never speak the truth
They are always informed and biased by feelings
You just have to wait for the mist to clear
It takes a shorter or longer time to pass
Depending on your nature
And depending on the circumstances
Just don’t get lost in the dark.

Azuka Chukwumerije