Of pain

THE MOST VULNERABLE THING

~ Che ~ Leave a comment

The most vulnerable thing in this world is to open up to a person, to show the person your secrets and your true condition. To share with the person your dreams, your hopes, your fears, your phobia, your trauma, your beliefs, your feelings, your propensities, your weaknesses, your childlikeness, your unprotected true nature.

When you have thus exposed yourself to a person, vulnerable to the core, and the person – after taking a good look at you – rejects or betrays you, and directly or indirectly communicates to you that they find you to be unworthy of them, the damage that this experience can cause to a human soul is almost beyond the purview of what words can accurately describe. It is exceedingly humiliating, dehumanising, and robs you of your sense of self-worth.

It also gives reason to ask yourself, if you too have ever done the same to another human being, maybe even without realising it, and maybe you have even forgotten it. If you have, then it pays to reflect on how to reach those people once more and offer them correction, retribution, a cure, or just true heartfelt apology and remorse for having broken their soul.

Most of all, though, it gives us an opportunity to reflect on the question of whether a human being’s sense of self-worth should at all be wholly or partly dependent on how they are seen or held or treated by another human being, probably one whom they love, or sometimes even a stranger. Or whether a human being’s sense of worth should be rooted only and solely in their own inner strength and inner dignity and Inner fidelity to their own core values. Or if it is a mixture of both extremes.

One thing is for sure, though, and that is that no matter how we see it, the reality is that even the strongest people are affected by how they are seen and treating by one person or the other, consciously or unconsciously, either a stranger or more commonly someone that they deeply love. No matter how we see it, we owe the duty to ourselves as human beings to be thoughtful, careful, honest – honest to ourselves and also honest to others – in order not to disappoint a valid expectation of reflected worthiness.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

ON THE STREET

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There are people who live on the street
The street’s human face and heartbeat
By rain and sun, by snow and by sleet
These are those people that we meet
Shuffling past and huddling by our feet
Who we glance barely by and rarely greet
Kindness, it seems, is truly a mean feat.

Arw we afraid to share in their defeat?
Is life a race in which we all compete?
Does shame force the broken to retreat?
Do losers get an opportunity to repeat?
People at their lowest don’t need our conceit.
A part of ourselves lives on the street
Looking for dignity, a roof and something to eat.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

REBIRTH OF HAPPINESS

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I found Happiness in my heart. It came out of the Blues, I don’t know where from, just at that moment and in that phase when I was experiencing the deepest betrayal and the most excruciating pain. I embraced the pain and decided to let it carry out its mission within me. I only made one promise to myself, I would not let it kill me.

One morning, when I was at my lowest, I called out to Happiness and begged it to come to me, swore to myself that I would find it. I knew it heard me, I felt it in the message it sent to me, like a vibration that touched my heart and awakened Hope. But the pain stayed, it did not go away immediately. Instead, it intensified and seemed to make one last grand grab at my Soul and my inner life, to kill me inwardly at last and for good.

I struggled, stumbled, but kept on walking, full of pain. And then, just as suddenly as this sentence follows on the last one, out of the Blues, in the middle of work and mundane daily chores, just when I was not looking or paying attention… Happiness suddenly showed up in my heart, like a Hero, like Sunrise, like a gift from God, like a warrior of Light.

Happiness is a strange thing, it lifts you high on wings of lightness, fills your heart with buoyancy, and makes you… Happy.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

DIE HARD

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
All the things I thought would kill me,
Didn’t kill me.
But they sure did hurt…
They hurt like hell for a long time -
But they didn’t kill me.
They made me wiser, stronger and sadder;
But in the end I’m still me.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

DON’T RUN

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I don’t run from the pain. I hold it inside until it hurts no more. That’s how I deal with it. Time is irrelevant, because time stands still. Only experiencing, internalisation, transformation and growth are important. And once those have taken place, the aching melts, the pain stops hurting, drops off and goes away – but not before giving me all its energy and all its wisdom; and awakening in me the capacity to take in bigger worlds tomorrow, and the Newness to love again another day. But above all, it reboots my spirit and re-ignites in me the Childlikeness to one day trust again with a healed heart. But with more circumspection and attention to detail next time.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

A PART OF YOU

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
Sometimes a part of you
Can live outside of you
And run away from you
And refuse to come back to you
And will ignore you
And will not recognise you
And will reject you
And will hurt you
And will avoid you

Because the reason why
It is living outside of you
Is in order to find itself
And fully become itself
Through struggle, experiencing and reflection
Uninfluenced by you
In order to one day be able
To complement you
And be complemented by you.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

IT’S A HUMAN HEART

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
It’s winter
You’ll have warmer days
And you’ll have colder days
But they’ll all be cold.

It’s a human heart
You’ll have clearer days
And you’ll have uncertain moments
But still, be bold.

It’s an Earth life
You came to cry
And you came to laugh
And maybe grow old.

The people you love the most
Will cause you the most pain
And yet they’re the only ones
Your heart will want to hold.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

THROUGH HONESTY

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
Don’t be ashamed
Pour it all out
The heart is tamed
and freed from doubt
by the bravery of honesty.

Let those that hurt you
continue to mock you
It still cannot stop you
from healing through honesty
and growing through adversity.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

WOUNDED TERRAIN

~ Che ~ Leave a comment 
I‘m riding on the train
And riding through my pain
When I’m done if I’m still sane
I won’t come this way again.

The experience is a strain
On my heart and on my brain
Riding through wounded terrain
Where my trust was slain.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

DISILLUSIONMENT AND DISENCHANTMENT

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Sometimes when you’re inner eyes open and you gradually begin to see and recognise a person for who and what they really are, you experience such a shocking, deep and grave Disappointment, that you almost wish you could close your inner eyes again, in order to retain the former beautiful picture of this person that you used to have. But it is all in vain. Your heart can never ever forget again what it has seen and what it now knows and sees. Truth is the most beautiful, but also the ugliest, thing you will ever encounter. But, the good thing is, it will set you free.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains