Why do we hurt the most The people whom we love the most And who love us the most? Why do we push away the strongest The people who pull us the deepest? Why do we understand the least The people who understand us the most? Why do we lose Those who have found us? Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
Of pain
THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE
Free yourself of the fear of losing her Free yourself of the thought of having Or not having her That’s not for you to control or decide Only God has that Power The only power you have is the power of love All you can do is to love her Love is life and Love is light If you have love in your heart for her Then just love her And if you have no way of directly giving Or showing that love to her Then just let the love flow through you And flow out of you And flow out into the universe… Your love will find its way to her In the workings of the universe One way or another. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Undulating Plains and Poems from the inner river
THE HURTING LOVE
The Love of God Will hurt you - Make no mistake about that - In order to cure you. Are you ready to grow? To reap what you sow? To be polished until you glow? To go with the flow Wherever God’s wind may blow? Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
PAIN AND GAIN
Without the pain My life would have been so empty, My spirit’s real gain Are the lessons and they are plenty. It is really possible To lose a person and become whole, It is really possible To lose the world and gain your soul. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
TO KILL A MAN
I‘ve died a thousand times And each time I’ve come back to life again If I die one more time Will I be able to survive this new pain? Something must break a man one day - Something he did say, or a game he did play, Or a woman that one day crosses his way. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
THE MOST VULNERABLE THING
The most vulnerable thing in this world is to open up to a person, to show the person your secrets and your true condition. To share with the person your dreams, your hopes, your fears, your phobia, your trauma, your beliefs, your feelings, your propensities, your weaknesses, your childlikeness, your unprotected true nature.
When you have thus exposed yourself to a person, vulnerable to the core, and the person – after taking a good look at you – rejects or betrays you, and directly or indirectly communicates to you that they find you to be unworthy of them, the damage that this experience can cause to a human soul is almost beyond the purview of what words can accurately describe. It is exceedingly humiliating, dehumanising, and robs you of your sense of self-worth.
It also gives reason to ask yourself, if you too have ever done the same to another human being, maybe even without realising it, and maybe you have even forgotten it. If you have, then it pays to reflect on how to reach those people once more and offer them correction, retribution, a cure, or just true heartfelt apology and remorse for having broken their soul.
Most of all, though, it gives us an opportunity to reflect on the question of whether a human being’s sense of self-worth should at all be wholly or partly dependent on how they are seen or held or treated by another human being, probably one whom they love, or sometimes even a stranger. Or whether a human being’s sense of worth should be rooted only and solely in their own inner strength and inner dignity and Inner fidelity to their own core values. Or if it is a mixture of both extremes.
One thing is for sure, though, and that is that no matter how we see it, the reality is that even the strongest people are affected by how they are seen and treating by one person or the other, consciously or unconsciously, either a stranger or more commonly someone that they deeply love. No matter how we see it, we owe the duty to ourselves as human beings to be thoughtful, careful, honest – honest to ourselves and also honest to others – in order not to disappoint a valid expectation of reflected worthiness.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
ON THE STREET
There are people who live on the street The street’s human face and heartbeat By rain and sun, by snow and by sleet These are those people that we meet Shuffling past and huddling by our feet Who we glance barely by and rarely greet Kindness, it seems, is truly a mean feat. Arw we afraid to share in their defeat? Is life a race in which we all compete? Does shame force the broken to retreat? Do losers get an opportunity to repeat? People at their lowest don’t need our conceit. A part of ourselves lives on the street Looking for dignity, a roof and something to eat. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
REBIRTH OF HAPPINESS
I found Happiness in my heart. It came out of the Blues, I don’t know where from, just at that moment and in that phase when I was experiencing the deepest betrayal and the most excruciating pain. I embraced the pain and decided to let it carry out its mission within me. I only made one promise to myself, I would not let it kill me.
One morning, when I was at my lowest, I called out to Happiness and begged it to come to me, swore to myself that I would find it. I knew it heard me, I felt it in the message it sent to me, like a vibration that touched my heart and awakened Hope. But the pain stayed, it did not go away immediately. Instead, it intensified and seemed to make one last grand grab at my Soul and my inner life, to kill me inwardly at last and for good.
I struggled, stumbled, but kept on walking, full of pain. And then, just as suddenly as this sentence follows on the last one, out of the Blues, in the middle of work and mundane daily chores, just when I was not looking or paying attention… Happiness suddenly showed up in my heart, like a Hero, like Sunrise, like a gift from God, like a warrior of Light.
Happiness is a strange thing, it lifts you high on wings of lightness, fills your heart with buoyancy, and makes you… Happy.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
DIE HARD
All the things I thought would kill me, Didn’t kill me. But they sure did hurt… They hurt like hell for a long time - But they didn’t kill me. They made me wiser, stronger and sadder; But in the end I’m still me. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
DON’T RUN
I don’t run from the pain. I hold it inside until it hurts no more. That’s how I deal with it. Time is irrelevant, because time stands still. Only experiencing, internalisation, transformation and growth are important. And once those have taken place, the aching melts, the pain stops hurting, drops off and goes away – but not before giving me all its energy and all its wisdom; and awakening in me the capacity to take in bigger worlds tomorrow, and the Newness to love again another day. But above all, it reboots my spirit and re-ignites in me the Childlikeness to one day trust again with a healed heart. But with more circumspection and attention to detail next time.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
Che Chidi Chukwumerije 