UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF

You will find, strangely enough, that you actually secretly desire the downfall of the person, place or thing that you love.

You will find, strangely enough, that the person you hate is the person you love; and the thing you fear is the thing you hope for; and the place you leave behind is the place you are going to.

You will find, strangely enough, that your friends envy you, and you envy your friends; and your enemies admire you, and you admire your enemies.

You will find, strangely enough, that you long for what you cannot have, and disdain what is easily yours; and already you have what you are still seeking for.

You will find, strangely enough, that the biggest fool is inside you and the wisest sage resides there too, and the fault which you can tolerate the least in others is the very one which you finally have the most.

You will find, strangely enough, that love is like the air and, thus, everywhere – and, like the air, sometimes you breathe and sometimes you suffocate.

And I also wonder why the other world always seems more intriguing to the person just coming from it.

What am I looking for? Anywhere I go, you go. And, in the end, you will call me your teacher, your helper, your friend. But I, I cannot help but try to understand what happened to me as I fell.

You will find, strangely enough, that even after I’ve hurt you, you still love me; and after I’ve healed you, you still detest me; and after you’ve comprehended me, you still fear the unknown side of your destiny.

So why not just open up your eyes once and for all, and do it all over again – and, this time, do it right.

You will find, strangely enough, yourself.

– Che Chidi Chukwumerije.

IF THERE BE

If there be a she
Where is she?
If there was a she
Where was she?

If there be a he
Which is he?
If there was a he
When was he?

If there be a we
What are we?
If there was a we
Wherefore were we?

If there be an I
Why am I?

If there is goodness in the human race
If there is love in the human heart
If there is hope in the human being
Why are we still not there
Where we once were
When we had goodness and love and hope
In our hearts
On our tongues
And as the work of our hands…?

If I have a friend
Please help me.

– Che Chidi Chukwumerije.

THE BOOK OF LIFE

You’ve judged too soon
Go, take a second look
Sometimes you’ve got to give a little room for error
’Cause you can’t always be too sure –
Don’t spare yourself a second look
Read it again – life’s just a book.

– Che Chidi Chukwumerije

TWO PAINTINGS

A YOUNG MAN. Alone. Poverty-stricken. What shall he do to survive? He has only one talent, much unused: he can draw and paint. He had done it all his short life, since that moment when he first saw the paintings of that legendary artist who killed herself as a young woman, long ago in the old Nigeria, before the war. Her paintings seemed to have torn open wounds within his heart from which, ceaselessly, it gushed forth.

Growing up in the mad heady dash to afro-modernity that was Lagos, he had forgotten to back himself up with an alternative education while following with audacious self-will his crazy passion and living his dream. Now he stood on the brink of starvation and understood her. But he also knew that if he had armed himself with an alternative, he would today in hungry desperation betray everything he believed in, and he was glad he had not. For this one thing he knew: he would never give up. One day, the tables would turn. So the struggle continued. And then one day arrived in which he had absolutely nothing left and knew not what to do.

Finally he mixed his last paints and, full of anguish, loneliness and a something else not easy to define, wrought two paintings upon two round, flat surfaces, and stood with them beside a mechanic workshop on one of the busy roadsides in Lagos, to peddle them, and eat.

A woman passing in a car beheld the two paintings and the hawker. In Nigeria, people hawk any and all things which they can lay their hands on. Therefore, the woman never even gave thought to the notion that that ragged bony pauper might have actually painted those works himself. All she knew, straightaway, was that they were masterpieces. So she stopped and bargained them down to a cruelly small price and bought them off him, believing in her mind that he must have stolen them from somewhere, thus whatever amount he sold them for would still mean a profit. She bought them for the price of a day’s meal.

But as she was driving away she chanced to glance into the rear-view mirror and noticed the hawker still standing there, gazing after her with a strange, intense, burning look on his face. Suddenly she just knew that he was the artist, the painter who executed these works personally.

She began to do a u-turn but before she was done a sportscar had gone out of control and hit the dreaming painter and sped off. He was on the brink of no return by the time she got to him, and then, after exchanging a look of unwordable intimacy with her, he died, in her arms, his two eyes open, still looking at her.

And suddenly she wondered why he looked so strongly familiar.

She hung his two paintings in her home, for she felt an irresistible connection to these her only connections to that unknown pauper. There was something about the paintings…

One was about women bathing in a stream…

The other was about women lying dead in the woods…

In both paintings, outside the woods, was a single gravestone, with an old woman standing beside it, looking towards the woods with a worried expression on her wise old face.

The paintings held her like a spell.

One day, another woman, one with whom she was bound by quarrels and disagreements and tensions, came calling on her for the purpose of continuing an old line of altercation and settling an old debt. She was one of her bitterest foes.

But then her eyes fell upon, she saw and fell in love with the two paintings, this other woman too. Her heart fell upon them. When the first woman still proved unable to pay back the huge financial debt she owed her, she asked for one of the paintings instead. With anguished heart, the first lady surrendered one, the one where the women lay dead in the woods.

Her foe took it away and hung it up in her home. A few days later she called to ask after the painter of this work, for it seemed to her so familiar. Together they visited his grave, and, for some reason, bitterly wept.

With time they began to call on each other more often, each wanting to see the other painting and to discuss the effect they had on them. So did their bond become mystic, the two women. Each feels an intense connection to the paintings and, through them, to the unknown artist who wrought them, he who seemed so familiar. Their feud came to an end, replaced by a sense of kinship older and deeper than words could explain.

Two paintings. One artist, dead and buried; but his works live on.

And both women still cannot understand what the two paintings mean, nor why they move them both. They only know that the artist had deposited more than just two masterpieces on earth. Verily, he seemed indeed to have also deposited two mistresses and peace on earth, and then departed. –

– Che Chidi Chukwumerije.

I MET AND LEFT A MOUNTAIN

There you see her, over yonder, bathed in beauty and love… it is the beautiful mountain which I once peaked – wild and calm, primitive and yet new and fresh, a restorative to my battered soul.

But when it was time to move, I discovered that I could not take the beautiful mountain along with me, however hard I tried; so I left her behind and journeyed on. Yet, strange to say, with each step away from her that I take, she comes more alive, grows bigger and bigger within my heart – because when I left her behind me to find the Tomorrow Mountain;… when I forsook her for to seek the next peak;… I took her along. But if I had stayed with her, then in truth I would have departed from her. And, tomorrow, when I crown a new beautiful mountain, she will also be there, for all true mountains unite at every distant new peak again.

It is hard to explain in words the things which we harbour inside of us. I too try and try, but ever and again I fall short of fulfilment. Why? Where did I go wrong?

Tomorrow is the only friend I have.

– Che Chidi Chukwumerije.

UNDERNEATH

When sheep undress
They become wolves
When wolves undress
They become sheep

Unclothing less
Reveals more
Of why we laugh
When we weep.

– Che Chidi Chukwumerije.

CHERISHED ALWAYS

I know you’re waiting for me to come
You know I’m waiting for you to become –
How long?

An upturned Calabash hides something
A broken mirror is still a mirror
A song unsung – is it a song?
A loveless soul – is it a soul?
When lovers part, are they still lovers?
Have they learnt how to love
Or forgotten how to love a little?
Upsidedownworld.
Turn it upsideupanddownsidedown
But leave the middle in the middle.

The world grows quiet quietly
A lone car passes now and then
A dog barks gently, night falls lightly
And the studio condenses around me again.

Who was I thinking of just now?
Where was I before evening called me back?
A heart is a thousand stories
And forgotten memories.

– Che Chidi Chukwumerije

BEDIENUNGSANLEITUNG ZUR NEUEN LIEBE

Weiche nicht zurück
Wenn ich schiebe, umarme mich
Verliere nicht die Hoffnung
Wenn meine Fußabdrücke blass werden
In Deinem Herzen kennst Du den Weg
Mein Berg bist Du, meine Eiche, und mein Meer..

Che Chidi Chukwumerije.

UDO KA

Udo ka
Udo echi
Maka
Ụwa taa
Bụ ụwa agha
Na ụwa mmebi.

– Che Chidi Chukwumerije.

GOODBYE – WELCOME

ONCE UPON A time three ants ran across a wall. They all got crushed by the same hand and died. The hand put itself into food and fed the mouth, and the owner of hand and mouth died because the ants were rare and poisonous. Those who buried the corpse fell ill and died too because the poison was spreading. Nobody buried them. Birds of prey fed on them and later fell down dead from the sky. Goats and cows fed on the grass near the dead birds and, before they died, men drank of their milk; the goats and cows died and the disease was back in the lives of men.

People were dying left and right everyday. From where had this unknown disease come? Where was it headed? Would it move on and leave us alone or would it stay or would it take us along?

But there was a breed of people who did not die, against whom the poison held no sting, in whose land the power of the disease was broken. And all those who knew, or found, and walked the way into their land, this inner state of being, overcame the death that lives through our folly.

Goodbye.

Welcome.

– Che Chidi Chukwumerije.