hurt

THE GAMES WE PLAY

~ Che ~ Leave a comment

These games that we play, and think it’s just fun, they can really damage people. And by the time we start to suspect the damage we have done and start to pull back, it’s already too late and the victims are left reeling and wounded for the rest of their lives or for a very long time afterwards. These games of hearts, of love and sex, and of adventures, of selfish desires and of fun.

Sometimes we think we’re just expressing ourselves, or just seeking the meaning of life, or just getting out of life everything that it has to offer, or just doing what “everybody else” does, or just living life to the full, or just making sure we don’t die one day with regrets in our hearts of the things we left undone, or simply assuaging our own personal propensities, or even getting back at someone, or maybe trying to experience for ourselves how something feels, or just having some harmless fun.

I used to think that the things I would one day regret the most are the things I left undone, the opportunities I missed because I did not try to get them. But now I realise that the pain and regret that comes from doing certain things is even worse, and is real, and stays with you. You can’t run away from them because it is real and something you actually did. And all the apologies in the world has not made them go away. The only consolation, if any, is that your heart has learned a deep lesson that should, hopefully, make you a better person for the rest of this life and also in your subsequent reincarnations on Earth. Hearts hurt for a very long time.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

EACH ONE HEAL ONE

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We all have that one person who we don’t like to think of, but who we also never forget. That one person, the thought of whom causes us so much pain and anger. That one person who hurt us, or deceived us, or betrayed us, or belittled us and made us feel so small, or took advantage of us, or kicked us when we were down and weak, or made a fool of us, or stole what was precious from us, or led us astray, or lied against us, or harmed us.Maybe it was that one person who we trusted deeply and who betrayed this trust. That one person who left a permanent scar in our heart. We all have that one person who we don’t like to think about but who we also never forget.

And that person also has the one person who they don’t like to think about but who they also never forget. And so it goes round and round in a circle, and we are all locked and connected in a net of pain and disappointment and bitterness and betrayal and memory and hurt. And regret. No one is spared, no one is innocent, no one is free of pain or of guilt. We are the ones who teach each other the lessons of life and of the vagaries of the human heart. We are all we have. Those that hurt you and those that harm you and those that heal you and those that hug you and those that have you are all the same people. Everybody has touched somebody. And everybody has been touched by somebody. Each one hurt one. Each one heal one. Forgive, and move on.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains

HURT

~ Che ~ 1 Comment 
Love hurts.
Life hurts.
People hurt.
People hurt people.
And hurt people hurt people.

And when it hurts too much
People begin to avoid the touch
The inner touch
Sometimes they permit the outer touch
But only perfunctorily as such
Because even it hurts too much.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

TRUST, BROKEN

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Trust, broken.
Thoughts, woken.
Hurt, spoken.
Touch, token.

Unpreparable.
It comes from the one you don’t expect.
Unrepairable.
You’ll never again be able to not suspect.

Healing is an intellectual token
Once the trust has been broken.
Only the spirit can find a new rhyme
In its own way, in its own time.

Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river

NATURE OR PROPENSITY

~ Che

For people who, by nature, are partner-faithful and relationship-loyal (I’m talking Sex here), there exists in their inside a great big Why when they observe how a person who they know really loves his/her partner with all his/her heart can have a sexual interchange with a third party – one time, or for a shorter or longer period, or intermittently – and yet remain totally committed to and in love with their chosen “permanent” partner. Is it a predisposition or a weakness?

It’s like a puzzle, a mystery that defies solution.

– Che Chidi Chukwumerije.

LIVE, PAIN, LOVE

~ Che ~ 1 Comment

It’s just life
No pause
Inescapable laws

No brakes
No breaks
No breaking out – you’re done in

Few gives, few takes
The dark is near
It is in there

It’s always there
It’s just life
You pay the price – that’s your role

There is a myth, a legend
A hurt-filled, painful, word
They call it love

There are no guarantees
But they say
It will set you free – nothing more

It won’t bring you wealth
It won’t bring you power
It’s just life

Keep it warm
Keep it safe
Keep it alive – love – it’ll keep you alive.

– CHE CHIDI CHUKWUMERIJE.

HURTING

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When will he stop
Persecuting that guitar
His voice is hoarse
It hurts her

It digs a hole in her armour
Roughly
And scoops her out
Hoarsely

I wish I could remember him
In my dream tonight
When silence is wall
Enclosing me and she is gone

His voice is gruff
A street musician
Enjoying his moment on stage
Roughly.

– Che Chidi Chukwumerije.

JOKER

~ Che ~ 2 Comments

Jokes are the barrier
People let down between themselves
A spoken word can wash away years of building
Leave in its wake a ruptured earth
Worse than as if life never happened.

Watch that joke, it’s no joke
The damage will outlive the laughter
Long long after
The careless word you spoke.

– Che Chidi Chukwumerije.

SOFTLY, KILL

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Not like that.
Crown the valley.
The hilltop is smoking.
Smoking gun.

Chewing gum.
Nonchalantly tracing and caressing your
Archipelago of feelings
Like a toy ship

Boning the corset
Gargle your gift of gab
Smiling to the ravine
Love is an aspic

Softly, steer
Softly, stir
Softly, pick
Softly, kill.

– Che Chidi Chukwumerije.

TALKING TO HERSELF

~ Che ~ 1 Comment

He loved her like the
Sun was about to fall down
Like lightning and thunder
Would be their eternal crown
And then when he’d had his fill he walked away
Now there she goes talking to herself
Each evening…

It hurts his soul
To see her cry
Yet he must go
He can’t explain why
The light and the darkness dwell inside his heart
So there she goes talking to herself
Each evening…

Trying to understand the demons in his heart
Trying hard to grasp what happened and then she starts
To blame herself for what she can’t explain
There she goes softly talking to herself
Each evening…

Each evening
Deep inside
Each evening
He’s suffering too
Too…

– Che Chidi Chukwumerije.