My only Crime was loving you And loving you too much too But If this is a crime I’ve done my time Release me Ease me Out Tell me what it’s all about An outer whisper, an inner shout Free me from insecurity and doubt. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
Love
TRUST IS THE MESSAGE OF TRUTH
One thing I know about life: you tell the truth to the person you truly love, to your soulmate. You feel enough trust and empathy, and you have the strong craving, to share the truth, the real naked truth, with them. People who are not able to tell you the truth are telling you that they don’t really have a deep place for you in their heart. This is a painful recognition to have, but a necessary one too. It helps you to protect yourself from deeper hurt and from new hurt in the future.
Trust is the message of Truth. As long as truthfulness is not coming from helplessness and desperation, then it is on the one hand a sign of respect, and on the other hand it is the ultimate admission of safety, intimacy and trust. You know the people you trust by the secrets you feel comfortable sharing with them. And you know the people who don’t trust you by the secrets they hold back from you. These are the people who are not close to you, no matter how close to you they seem to be. Veracity is the test – and the taste – of intimacy.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
THE GAMES WE PLAY
These games that we play, and think it’s just fun, they can really damage people. And by the time we start to suspect the damage we have done and start to pull back, it’s already too late and the victims are left reeling and wounded for the rest of their lives or for a very long time afterwards. These games of hearts, of love and sex, and of adventures, of selfish desires and of fun.
Sometimes we think we’re just expressing ourselves, or just seeking the meaning of life, or just getting out of life everything that it has to offer, or just doing what “everybody else” does, or just living life to the full, or just making sure we don’t die one day with regrets in our hearts of the things we left undone, or simply assuaging our own personal propensities, or even getting back at someone, or maybe trying to experience for ourselves how something feels, or just having some harmless fun.
I used to think that the things I would one day regret the most are the things I left undone, the opportunities I missed because I did not try to get them. But now I realise that the pain and regret that comes from doing certain things is even worse, and is real, and stays with you. You can’t run away from them because it is real and something you actually did. And all the apologies in the world has not made them go away. The only consolation, if any, is that your heart has learned a deep lesson that should, hopefully, make you a better person for the rest of this life and also in your subsequent reincarnations on Earth. Hearts hurt for a very long time.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
TRUTH AS INTIMACY
The greatest Act of love and respect I can show a human being is to tell the person the truth. There is nothing worse I can do to you, or you can do to me, than to tell each other a lie or withhold the truth from one another when one asks for it. I don’t know about you, but I need truth like a drug and a medicine between me and the people close to me. It is everything. No matter what that truth is, I don’t really care. Even if it is a truth that will hurt me, disgust me, break me, shock me, kill me, withholding it from me or lying to me about it will put me in a worse hell and deeper anguish when I find out or if I sense it. If you’re close to me, don’t lie to me. My respect for you is more greatly diminished by dishonesty than by whatever it is you did that you’re trying to hide from me. Truth bonds me strongly to love.
Truthfulness is the deepest form of intimacy that I understand. If you are close to me and I am close to you, then just know this and be prepared for it: I will not lie to you. I will tell you the truth. If you don’t want to hear the truth, then don’t ask me. I can’t lie to the people I love. If I lie to you, if I withhold the truth from you (unless I’m doing it temporarily until we’re in a place and moment I can tell you), then it means that you are not close to me. And, conversely, if you lie to me, if you withhold the truth from me, then to me it means that you don’t or no longer love me or I’m not close to your heart. Some people think it’s the opposite: they withhold painful truths from the person they love, so as not to hurt the person. But if you do that to me, then it’s either you don’t really love me or you actually want to hurt me down the line.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
LOVE AND PAIN
Why is there so much hurt in this world? Why is it hard for people to join hearts without causing each other pain? Why is pain an unavoidable component of love and of togetherness? Is the human spirit really incapable of honest, pure, harmonious, mature love?
The people that love you are the people you will hurt, and they are the people that will hurt you the deepest and the most. And yet you cannot stop loving and you cannot stop loving them. Nor they you.
Who has ever found happiness on earth without it being laced with anguish and spiked with periodic doses of lacerating pain? If you haven’t found this, then you’ve never felt love yet. Because you can never find the love without the pain.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
ONCE YOU TASTE TRUE LOVE
Once you taste true love Lust becomes a mechanical chore Pleasure is no longer enough You want something more. You learn to recognise the grain And separate it from the chaff - You want to feel that joy again You want your heart to laugh. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
YOU
No one else but you - Is this magic? Is this juju? There is value in virtue More powerful than voodoo. No one else but you I just had to woo you And once I sort of knew you I just had to do you. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
TREASURE IT
When someone loves you Really loves you Treasure it above due It is worth much more than you know Lack of love is poverty too Lack of joy and companionship too - Treasure love above due It is worth much more than you know. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
EVERYONE CAN BE HAPPY
There is somebody that loves you genuinely; May you find that person - And may you also love that person genuinely. But if you don’t find or love that person, Still may you find happiness in life. Not everyone finds a husband or a wife, But everyone can be happy genuinely. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
A LITTLE HAPPY EVERYDAY
Sometimes you love someone, but the person loves someone else. Or the person simply prefers a lifestyle different from the one which a life with you would have to offer them. So they choose or go after someone else who, or another path that, can offer them that lifestyle.
Being that the aim, the very aim, of life itself is Happiness, this experience of rejection cuts to the very heart of the essence of existence. The hurt can kill the soul. It makes people reappraise themselves, question their worth and even find fault in their own fundamental character. Yet, while self-examination is healthy, so also are self-love, self-understanding and self-acceptance equally necessary.
When trapped in a spiral of self-abnegation in which one no longer recognises oneself, It then becomes imperative to awaken, within one’s consciousness, a new narrative of life and of self in order to find the path to a new source of joy, as a new person. To outgrow the self-image that traps one in a cycle of pain, perhaps even to shed certain traits, and to learn to see oneself, one’s path and one’s Why with fresh new eyes. To find a new understanding of the purpose of life.
This is where the concept of never giving up comes into play. Every morning when you wake up, strive for joy. Be prepared to let go of those thoughts and those beliefs that weigh you down debilitatingly. Be ready and able every day to try a new path, a new thought, until you find the exit – and then you can take flight again.
Life is a jigsaw puzzle. Many parts fit, but many parts don’t fit also. And you have to move the pieces about in your heart and in your life continuously, often, and courageously in order to slowly put your answers together.
And, as you stride on along this way, try… try to be a little happy every day. In the end, that’s all you have. That’s all we have to share with one another. That is our humanity.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
Che Chidi Chukwumerije 