Without the pain My life would have been so empty, My spirit’s real gain Are the lessons and they are plenty. It is really possible To lose a person and become whole, It is really possible To lose the world and gain your soul. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
pain
THE MOST VULNERABLE THING
The most vulnerable thing in this world is to open up to a person, to show the person your secrets and your true condition. To share with the person your dreams, your hopes, your fears, your phobia, your trauma, your beliefs, your feelings, your propensities, your weaknesses, your childlikeness, your unprotected true nature.
When you have thus exposed yourself to a person, vulnerable to the core, and the person – after taking a good look at you – rejects or betrays you, and directly or indirectly communicates to you that they find you to be unworthy of them, the damage that this experience can cause to a human soul is almost beyond the purview of what words can accurately describe. It is exceedingly humiliating, dehumanising, and robs you of your sense of self-worth.
It also gives reason to ask yourself, if you too have ever done the same to another human being, maybe even without realising it, and maybe you have even forgotten it. If you have, then it pays to reflect on how to reach those people once more and offer them correction, retribution, a cure, or just true heartfelt apology and remorse for having broken their soul.
Most of all, though, it gives us an opportunity to reflect on the question of whether a human being’s sense of self-worth should at all be wholly or partly dependent on how they are seen or held or treated by another human being, probably one whom they love, or sometimes even a stranger. Or whether a human being’s sense of worth should be rooted only and solely in their own inner strength and inner dignity and Inner fidelity to their own core values. Or if it is a mixture of both extremes.
One thing is for sure, though, and that is that no matter how we see it, the reality is that even the strongest people are affected by how they are seen and treating by one person or the other, consciously or unconsciously, either a stranger or more commonly someone that they deeply love. No matter how we see it, we owe the duty to ourselves as human beings to be thoughtful, careful, honest – honest to ourselves and also honest to others – in order not to disappoint a valid expectation of reflected worthiness.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
DIE HARD
All the things I thought would kill me, Didn’t kill me. But they sure did hurt… They hurt like hell for a long time - But they didn’t kill me. They made me wiser, stronger and sadder; But in the end I’m still me. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
DON’T RUN
I don’t run from the pain. I hold it inside until it hurts no more. That’s how I deal with it. Time is irrelevant, because time stands still. Only experiencing, internalisation, transformation and growth are important. And once those have taken place, the aching melts, the pain stops hurting, drops off and goes away – but not before giving me all its energy and all its wisdom; and awakening in me the capacity to take in bigger worlds tomorrow, and the Newness to love again another day. But above all, it reboots my spirit and re-ignites in me the Childlikeness to one day trust again with a healed heart. But with more circumspection and attention to detail next time.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
WOUNDED TERRAIN
I‘m riding on the train And riding through my pain When I’m done if I’m still sane I won’t come this way again. The experience is a strain On my heart and on my brain Riding through wounded terrain Where my trust was slain. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU
People who love you, Hurt on account of you. But, for some reason, It is those who don’t care That you’re always pleasing And trying to keep near. I wish you so well If I were a wishing well You could daily draw And daily drink to your fill And when you withdraw The forest becomes still. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
LOVE IS A PRISON
My only Crime was loving you And loving you too much too But If this is a crime I’ve done my time Release me Ease me Out Tell me what it’s all about An outer whisper, an inner shout Free me from insecurity and doubt. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
FORGET IT
How humility can guide you To find yourself if you let it - How anger can ride you To death if you won’t forget it - Forget it, it’s done and gone, Your pain is the healing kind - When you lost her, you won A deeper heart, a higher mind. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
SMILE
Did you know that Smiling makes you happy When you’re feeling crappy? Did you know that? I bet you’re smiling now. And if you were feeling crappy, Now you’re feeling a little happy - I bet you’re smiling now. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
THE DAY THE LAUGHTER CAME AGAIN
The day the laughter came again I stood in shock and stared at it in awe Like a stranger from a distant terrain For I had forgotten to a tragic flaw How laughter sounds and makes you feel. It felt so good it made me want to cry; The power of laughter and joy is real - A heart that laughs purely will never die. The day the laughter came again I was at the lowest ebb of my life, My soul wracked every day by pain, Torn by questions and unresolved strife, I woke up that morning and prayed to God, then set out to bravely meet the day And as I, work-focused, did onward plod, Laughter came to me again along my way. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
Che Chidi Chukwumerije 