Feel it fully Intensely not dully Pain beyond measure Is one of the earth’s treasures It grows your heart Makes it strong, soft and alert All in one. Your true heart Your spirit, your innermost part That lives on and on and on And on and on and on… Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
pain
HEALED BROKEN
It’s not as easy as you think
Some bones heal in their broken position
Yes, they don’t hurt anymore
But they will never again make the same old motion
And you will never again feel the former emotion.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Poems from the inner river
GETTING THERE
Have you known pain More than you ever thought you could bear? You will recover again - When death approaches, immortal life is near. Accepting the inconceivable, Acknowledging the irretrievable, Internalising the unchangeable, Will slowly get you there. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
RECALIBRATED
When you‘ve lost What you love the most You have nothing more to lose. When what gives you strength Leaves you Then you have only yourself left to choose. And your God. And seriousness. No more half-bonds. Whatever stays must really be your crew’s. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
THE DULL ACHE
It is a healed wound Or healing While it yet crooned I was feeling You did your worst To my inner child Eligwe did burst Sanctuary defiled. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
ADJUSTING
You overcome the pain By becoming one with it. You lighten the rain By learning to dance in it. You conquer rejection By accepting it. You unburden affection By confessing it. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
PAIN AND GAIN
Without the pain My life would have been so empty, My spirit’s real gain Are the lessons and they are plenty. It is really possible To lose a person and become whole, It is really possible To lose the world and gain your soul. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
THE MOST VULNERABLE THING
The most vulnerable thing in this world is to open up to a person, to show the person your secrets and your true condition. To share with the person your dreams, your hopes, your fears, your phobia, your trauma, your beliefs, your feelings, your propensities, your weaknesses, your childlikeness, your unprotected true nature.
When you have thus exposed yourself to a person, vulnerable to the core, and the person – after taking a good look at you – rejects or betrays you, and directly or indirectly communicates to you that they find you to be unworthy of them, the damage that this experience can cause to a human soul is almost beyond the purview of what words can accurately describe. It is exceedingly humiliating, dehumanising, and robs you of your sense of self-worth.
It also gives reason to ask yourself, if you too have ever done the same to another human being, maybe even without realising it, and maybe you have even forgotten it. If you have, then it pays to reflect on how to reach those people once more and offer them correction, retribution, a cure, or just true heartfelt apology and remorse for having broken their soul.
Most of all, though, it gives us an opportunity to reflect on the question of whether a human being’s sense of self-worth should at all be wholly or partly dependent on how they are seen or held or treated by another human being, probably one whom they love, or sometimes even a stranger. Or whether a human being’s sense of worth should be rooted only and solely in their own inner strength and inner dignity and Inner fidelity to their own core values. Or if it is a mixture of both extremes.
One thing is for sure, though, and that is that no matter how we see it, the reality is that even the strongest people are affected by how they are seen and treating by one person or the other, consciously or unconsciously, either a stranger or more commonly someone that they deeply love. No matter how we see it, we owe the duty to ourselves as human beings to be thoughtful, careful, honest – honest to ourselves and also honest to others – in order not to disappoint a valid expectation of reflected worthiness.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
DIE HARD
All the things I thought would kill me, Didn’t kill me. But they sure did hurt… They hurt like hell for a long time - But they didn’t kill me. They made me wiser, stronger and sadder; But in the end I’m still me. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Poems from the inner river
DON’T RUN
I don’t run from the pain. I hold it inside until it hurts no more. That’s how I deal with it. Time is irrelevant, because time stands still. Only experiencing, internalisation, transformation and growth are important. And once those have taken place, the aching melts, the pain stops hurting, drops off and goes away – but not before giving me all its energy and all its wisdom; and awakening in me the capacity to take in bigger worlds tomorrow, and the Newness to love again another day. But above all, it reboots my spirit and re-ignites in me the Childlikeness to one day trust again with a healed heart. But with more circumspection and attention to detail next time.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
Che Chidi Chukwumerije 