So many things ending in my life this month, as March ends. And so many things starting. Looking forward to April. Is my heart big enough to contain and bear it all? Yes, my heart is always big enough. And when it isn’t, it simply grows some more, grows again.
Aries, as ever, you end the old and bring the new. For me, to me, in me.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
It took me a while to acknowledge and accept the betrayal. And the permanent change. It is what it is. But now that I have, I have. Now, we can successfully pretend, together and apart, that it never happened; and that we were never that close. Now the bond is broken. The intimate bond of trust.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
When only one person’s attention matters to you, only one person’s smiles and words and approval really matter to you, over a long and sustained period of time, then you know that your heart has really been taken and, even more importantly, your heart has truly voluntarily given itself to someone. Then you know you’re really in love.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
Envy and Jealousy and Possessiveness. Distrust and Disloyalty and the breaking of Promises. Not knowing one’s boundaries. Untoward and unjustified claims upon the other. Intrusiveness. Space and vicinity. Balance. Knowing the line between giving and taking, between being there and crossing boundaries, between being close enough and being too close for comfort. Knowing which demands and expectations are legitimate and must be met, and which ones are too intrusive. Respect. Mutual respect. Consideration for the other’s nature. Making the effort to know the other better. Carefulness. Intimacy. Understanding the different layers and forms of intimacy, and knowing which ones to share with which people, which ones apply within which forms of friendship, which ones are exclusive and which ones are inclusive. You can connect with many people deeply, and each connection is different. But there is a certain connection that can only be shared with one, or none, at every point in time. Truthfulness and honesty and trust and bravery. Trust is a form of bravery. Reciprocity in our relationships with one another.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
Every night when I sleep and wake up in the morning , I jump large distances. I don’t know where I go when I’m sleeping, but I never wake up where I fell asleep. The person who sleeps at night, dies, and a new person wakes up in the morning. So, if you were in my heart before I died in the night, and you are still or again in my heart when I wake up, as a new person, in the morning, then know that I truly love you, for you are anchored at a depth within me that is deeper than all the changes. But the day I wake up and check inside my heart and you are no more there, then know that a fundamental change has taken place within me. The person who exists now does not know or recognise you and does not love you anymore.
Friends, waste not the night. Pray before you fall asleep, and let your spirit walk, through its interactions and reflections, to its next station of development; yea, and let your spirit jump at night to its new conclusions. The night is not meant for sleeping. The night is meant for weeping, for keeping pace with your spiritual development, for healing, for recharging your solar plexus, and for leaping to new recognitions. Only the mind sleeps off at night, when it has grown tired of thinking. But the spirt, the spirit is awake. So, something continues to happen at the back of your mind. And what your spirit learns while your body is asleep, it will attempt to reveal to your intellect, your day-conscious mind, in the morning when you wake up again. But we don’t always understand, and we don’t always remember.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
Lovers, you have to tell yourselves the truth. The only thing that may unite or separate you is the truth. The only thing that should keep you together or tear you apart is the truth. The only thing that can really merge or divide you is the truth. Truth is a function of love and love is a function of truth. You cannot separate them one from the other because the aim of love is to give you freedom but, as we know, only the truth can set you free.
If you love something, set it free – if it comes back to you, it is yours; if it doesn’t, it never was. If you love something, tell it the truth – if it stays with you, it is yours; if it doesn’t, it never was. If something claims that it loves you, ask it the truth – if it tells you the truth, it is yours; if it doesn’t, it never was. Truth is the ultimate determiner of love.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
God is teaching me to not be emotionally dependent on any human being on Earth; to have nobody of whom I think or feel that I cannot live without this person. It’s a painful process, but to everybody who has rejected or is rejecting me, I say Thank you. Whatever your intention was, God has made something greater out of it.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
Free yourself of the fear of losing her Free yourself of the thought of having Or not having her That’s not for you to control or decide Only God has that Power The only power you have is the power of love All you can do is to love her Love is life and Love is light If you have love in your heart for her Then just love her And if you have no way of directly giving Or showing that love to her Then just let the love flow through you And flow out of you And flow out into the universe… Your love will find its way to her In the workings of the universe One way or another. Che Chidi Chukwumerije Undulating Plains and Poems from the inner river
The most vulnerable thing in this world is to open up to a person, to show the person your secrets and your true condition. To share with the person your dreams, your hopes, your fears, your phobia, your trauma, your beliefs, your feelings, your propensities, your weaknesses, your childlikeness, your unprotected true nature.
When you have thus exposed yourself to a person, vulnerable to the core, and the person – after taking a good look at you – rejects or betrays you, and directly or indirectly communicates to you that they find you to be unworthy of them, the damage that this experience can cause to a human soul is almost beyond the purview of what words can accurately describe. It is exceedingly humiliating, dehumanising, and robs you of your sense of self-worth.
It also gives reason to ask yourself, if you too have ever done the same to another human being, maybe even without realising it, and maybe you have even forgotten it. If you have, then it pays to reflect on how to reach those people once more and offer them correction, retribution, a cure, or just true heartfelt apology and remorse for having broken their soul.
Most of all, though, it gives us an opportunity to reflect on the question of whether a human being’s sense of self-worth should at all be wholly or partly dependent on how they are seen or held or treated by another human being, probably one whom they love, or sometimes even a stranger. Or whether a human being’s sense of worth should be rooted only and solely in their own inner strength and inner dignity and Inner fidelity to their own core values. Or if it is a mixture of both extremes.
One thing is for sure, though, and that is that no matter how we see it, the reality is that even the strongest people are affected by how they are seen and treating by one person or the other, consciously or unconsciously, either a stranger or more commonly someone that they deeply love. No matter how we see it, we owe the duty to ourselves as human beings to be thoughtful, careful, honest – honest to ourselves and also honest to others – in order not to disappoint a valid expectation of reflected worthiness.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
I found Happiness in my heart. It came out of the Blues, I don’t know where from, just at that moment and in that phase when I was experiencing the deepest betrayal and the most excruciating pain. I embraced the pain and decided to let it carry out its mission within me. I only made one promise to myself, I would not let it kill me.
One morning, when I was at my lowest, I called out to Happiness and begged it to come to me, swore to myself that I would find it. I knew it heard me, I felt it in the message it sent to me, like a vibration that touched my heart and awakened Hope. But the pain stayed, it did not go away immediately. Instead, it intensified and seemed to make one last grand grab at my Soul and my inner life, to kill me inwardly at last and for good.
I struggled, stumbled, but kept on walking, full of pain. And then, just as suddenly as this sentence follows on the last one, out of the Blues, in the middle of work and mundane daily chores, just when I was not looking or paying attention… Happiness suddenly showed up in my heart, like a Hero, like Sunrise, like a gift from God, like a warrior of Light.
Happiness is a strange thing, it lifts you high on wings of lightness, fills your heart with buoyancy, and makes you… Happy.
Che Chidi Chukwumerije
Undulating Plains
Che Chidi Chukwumerije 